The Dolli Awards

Since the Academy Awards passed so recently, here is Prettidolli's Award Interpretation for the sections of TRIBE's "Ole Time Someting Come Back Again" 2K7:

1. Easy Breezy Cutie Pie Section Award:
Goes to the Fancy Sailor section. Everyone here looked ultra clean and ultra sharp! An experience involving the whitest of whites and the goldest of golds...Not a bad one in de bunch. And one fab preggie. And a sweet likkle sailor boi. And two serious king sailors. Then again, it's quite difficult to look badly when one is wearing a well decorated sailor hat tipped ever so jauntily on the side of one's head. Rock the bells!

2. The Supercalifragilisticexpaladocious UberBad B*tch Section Award:
Okay, I concede. It was NONE OTHER than the Fireman section. Upon first glance at the launch photos, I was NOT impressed. That opinion did WELL and CHANGE on Carni Tuesday, however. I had NEVER witnessed so many fabulous females (males also!) in one section in one band at one time. And I'm a Harts baby! The toughest H.O.s around with the SICKEST of physiques. Salt-n-Pepa said Hot, Cool, and Vicious baybeee...Is whey de watah? Fireman ovah hey! (Pssst! The IP correlate to this would be Goddess & Defender. If anyone cares. Especially after how masqueraders complained how they were treated. Whatever.)

3. The Helen Keller Handicap Honorable Mention Award:
The winner hands down was Jab Molassie. If you couldn't find a seeing eye man to assist your visually challenged self with your headpiece, some wicked molasses devil would run up from behind and chook yuh in de rear with a golden pitchfork. While sticking he blasted tongue out. And swinging chains. The only thing lacking was a wheelchair accessible Xpress Bar truck...

4. The I know Why You're Here But I Ain't Saying Nothing Award:
Drumroll please.....Drum Majorette. A changed headpiece but still right next to the piss truck. Last section in the band. Enough said.

5. The Hold Dolli Back Wickkked Metrosexual Section Award:
Warrior Spirit. Nationalistic colours, lovely ladies, and some of the most spectacularly made up men in the band. Did you see those fellahs with the Johnny Depp Capt. Jack Sparrow eye makeup? They took it HOLLYWOOD oui! Trinis ent easy boi ah tell yuh. Even after the rain and the running of the dye, those people got on so stinnk I had to take ah five and remember which band I did dey in. All over St. James. Pon top ah truck and even walls, buildings, and awnings too! Scandalous, shameless, and out and bad LAWLESS wining. Who says Indian rain dancing doh wuk? Do feel free to reference Prince Namor and the most ardent pelvic thrusting ah ever did witness this side ah Tragarete Rd...Lawd Jesus. And the BESTEST reason of all: Please Shaka, don't hurt em!

6. The Arts & Crafts Rewind and Refund Section Award:
Bat. Such a lovely green color with gold accents but those flimsy wings made it ah waste of time. In the book, beautiful. In person, regrettable. Wheel back, come again.

7. The Heyyyy How You Doin' Section Award:
Imp. Gorgeous feather bras, vibrant colors, ah mask, and some kick arse superhero wings made this section one to watch. Y'all slept on this one...LOL!

8. The Golden Pole Upside Down & Wraparound Award:
Cow Mas. Yeah it was sexy, and I liked the fact that it left ah lil' sumphin' sumphin' to the imagination. The fellahs get an Anne Sullivan Gold Star Commendation for making those golden horns work injury free. So ladies, when you decide to recycle this mas for your own advantage, don't forget to whistle while you wine....and TWERK. Ride 'em cowboy!

9. The Dance Like In Bollywood Section Award:
Jean and Dinah. That long, fabulous cotton skirt was perfect for some serious Aishwarya twirling. I saw one bold sistah twirling with reckless abandon. In de rain. Till de bottom ah de skirt get black. Try and stop de gyal, eh? Yuh kyah. Ring around de rosy. She did still going...And going. Ah well. Shake, shake, shake like...allyuh know de people song.
10. The Pop Yuh Collar Best Individual Masquerader Award:
The Midnight Robber section. That man was the master and commander of innovation eh! Big hands, backpiece, and that not 'tapping he at all at all. He waistline surely wasn't being held hostage. He wine with 1, with 2, and even with 3, 4, and 5. Front, side, diagonal, obzoocky, and back. Twenty- five yuh kyah hold he dong!

11. The Judy Garland Pills & Booze Free Somewhey Ovah de Rainbow Lifetime Achievement Section Award:
Fancy Indian. The best and most vibrantly arresting colors in the band. Breathtakingly beautiful to watch.
12. The Not Quite Ah Gyel But More Than Ah Ooman Section:
Jab Jab. I saw too many sweet and precious teeny boppers "lighting up de air" in this section. Chile, one gyel even tek she collar and place it over she head like a bando headband or someting. I ent even mad at cha. You BE sixteen going pon seventeen honayy chile.
13. The Don't Hate Me Because I'm Delicately Beautiful Section:
Dame Lorraine. I've got sexy silver beads. And rosettes. And ah fan. And enough plumes. And ah train. And meh fellah does play mas in ah bow tie. And he's too sexy for he shirt. So sexy it hurrrts. Tek dat. The pretty Indian gyals had this section on LOCK. Is how TRIBE find ALL of them and herd them into this one section eh?

14. The Maypole Mayday Section Award:
Pierrot Grenade. Lots of pink. Lots of green. Abundance of ribbons...Oh SO supreme. I was wondering about allyuh Frontline gyals and those ribbons. Anybody get tangled up and ting? Mayday!

15. Most Improved Section Award:
Dragon. The alterations in the Frontline did WONDERS for that costume. The few ladies that played in this were f-i-e-r-ce. I only have an issue with the backline headpiece. Why did it remind me of one of those old time Halloween costume face masks that one could purchase in ah box? For that money, ole tme someting had better come back better for next year ent!

And Finally:

16. The Yuh Kyah Beat Sweet Old Pete Section Award:
Jamette. What was it about the male "Pimp" version that brought out Pension Peter, Sugar Daddy Sylvester, and Geriatric George in droves? Was it that sweetman hat? The gold chains? De long pants? The sexy female traditional version for their wives? I'm still trying to come to terms with this but I remain both astounded and flabbergasted. These old timers are not to be toyed with. Gramps just cock he lil' fedora to de one side and leh EVERYBODY know he still running tings cause he sweet. Oh yes......Allyuh young gyals did looking nice too.